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  • THE STONEWALL INN 53 Christopher Street New York, NY, 10014 United States (map)

It’s February and Colette and Olivia are just two girls, standing on a stage in a historic and iconic gay bar, asking you to love them very publicly and loudly and demonstratively in order to make up for all the middle school dances that they went to alone. (Such a waste of Lip Smackers, tbh…) Join the ladies of ITWAN as they publicly sort through all of their Tinder & Bumble & Hinge messages from ethically nonmonogamous former philosophy majors who claim to be feminists but keep sending them unsolicited dick pics. That's right, they're talking about DATING! There will be swooning, there will be wooing, there will be some will-they-or-won’t-they tension (will they make themselves super unattractive to all would-be suitors? yup, yeah, probably. won’t they ever stop? DON’T COUNT ON IT, MOM!!!!) and, since Olivia is going to be there, you know somehow the conversation is going to circle back to the state of her vagina. Get ready to feel some feelings, eat some feelings, and suppress all the icky feelings that refuse to be tamed with discount Valentine’s Day chocolates and booze!

Tickets will be on sale at the door for $5 cash and roses will be handed out by a white straight guy in a suit in a live televised ceremony. Seating is first come, first served, seating is patient, seating is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud - unless you get front row seats, then hell yeah, you have every right to be proud!!!! There’s a two-drink minimum [cash or card] but let's be real, we're all going to be getting wasted in order to forget that we're alone, so alone, single, just us, solitary, solo dolo, loveless and smoochless even though we've done the work, read the mantras, listened to Oprah, lit the love candles from the botanica, processed our issues with the help of a very expensive therapist and taken steamer trunk's worth of mood stabilizers, so goddamn it, why won't you take us back, Riley??!?!?!?!??!?!?

Earlier Event: January 31