With month-old lemon wedges floating in their Britas and the words “NO, NOPE, NOT TODAY, DICKWEEDS” typed and ready to send in at least fifteen different text threads , Colette and Olivia have finally accepted that their bodies are temples and their minds are Apple stores and these buildings need a little upkeep before they’re condemned. Being alive in 2018 feels like the emotional version of chub rub but don’t worry - the ladies of ITWAN have enough cucumbers slices for everybody! Come join these GOOP gals at the iconic Stonewall Inn as they talk about the buzzword that has everyone dabbing on serums and screaming into pillows, SELF CARE! It’s going to be like a real life Refinery29 article except way more drunk and horny. So bring along your favorite bath salts (…the legal kind, preferably) and a long-held grudge for an evening of luxurious pampering, i.e., extreme pessimism.
Tickets will be on sale at the door for $5 cash. Or $5 in coin. Don’t worry, we can wait while you count out 100 nickels, take your time, we’re all on the journey of life together and you are doing amazing, sweetie! Seating is first come, first served, and every chair has been replaced with a 3D-printed recreation of your unrequited high school crush’s face as they tell you they made a mistake, that it was always you, they see that now. There’s a two-drink minimum, cash or card, and it doesn’t matter how much alcohol you drink as long as you half-finish a mug of water before bed, that is a holistic health choice and self-care and to say otherwise is cyberbullying!!!!!!!!